I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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