His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
