there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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