hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
