i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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