Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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