I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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