She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
