Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
