You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
