I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
