turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
