The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
