Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
