We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
