unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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