Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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