Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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