the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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