love makes seman taste better
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
