Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
