I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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