2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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