maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
