the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
