if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
