i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
