either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
