Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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