sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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