she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
