there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
