We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
