Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
