Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
