Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
