the condom got lost in my hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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