I have demons in me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
