cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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