my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
