just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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