If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
