There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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