y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
