that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
