please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
