Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
