Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
