Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
