please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize