Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
