She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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