The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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