I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
