Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
