happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize