addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You ruined the universe
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
