I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
