I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
