I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
