is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
