oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
