He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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