idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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