I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize