I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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