its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
