Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
