Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
